Good day and thank you for coming back to my blog. 
 
When I was going to EMT School, I was having trouble with the tests and brought it to my teacher right away. I asked why there was a question on there about police when we were studying EMT. Bruna was my teacher and my inspiration for school.  She had me re-read the question to her, than just looked at me kind of strange.  She told me that she was making an appointment for me to get my eyes checked. I already had my eyes checked before school started and got glasses but this was different.  So I went to the appointment she set up and after all the eye testing, and answering questions I was found to be dyslexic.  Dyslexia is a reading disability that occurs when the brain does not properly recognize and
process certain symbols.  Dyslexia is not a vision problem but a reading disorder that an area of the brain
interprets differently.  It is also does not interfere with thinking or understanding just the way we learn.  So I found that if I used a light green overlay on the papers I was reading, my brain would calm down and the words quit moving so I could actually read correctly. This was such a relief to me. Maybe that is why I had such bad grades in high school.  I will never forget Bruna for helping me with this problem so that I could go on and finish school. 

Well Easter arrived and we had our picture taken with our new addition. My daughter Kristina was going out with a fellow named Aaron who is now her husband. He had the sweetest parents and we spent our Easter dinner at Meers with Aaron’s family before going to Mt. Scott to hike and of course watching the buffalo.

As spring flew by we were busy fixing up our home, taking care of a new baby and just everyday life. Jimmy fixed for me some planter boxes in the front yard and for my mother’s day gift; the kids helped me plant flowers all around the outside of the house in the planter boxes along with our barbeque.  We tried
to go along with life as if there were no changes.  We did things like Frontier City Amusement Park with Grandma Marie and Grandpa Jimmy taking turns holding the baby so Jenny could enjoy the rides with her siblings.  Jessica was in a theater camp and Jimmy and I went and did paint ball wars for the first time.  We enjoyed Lake Arcadia with the boat and the tube being pulled behind with the kids taking turns for the ride.  That was the first time baby Adias was in a lake and Jenny had fun holding her in the water. Jennifer, Jessica and Regina were back on their soft ball leagues and Erik had his sixteenth birthday.
His party consisted of bowling with a big sub sandwich at the house afterwards.  

We decided to take a vacation and drove to Wisconsin. Yes this was a long drive from Oklahoma but it was so good to see my relatives again.  My mother had four siblings that I knew pretty well since I usually spent my summers on the farm growing up.  Only thing is my aunts and uncles had their kids after I was married so my cousins were closer to my kid’s age instead of mine.  I guess the hard part was to see if I was going to get any negative attitude showing up with a grandchild from my unwed teenager.  But my granddaughter was received with open arms from everyone.  My grandma had so much fun bathing her in the kitchen sink. My Uncle Bob took turns with my kids on his four -wheeler and showed them how to handle the machine so they eventually drove themselves around. This was new and fun for my kids.  They had a big family picnic, including my parents, so that all the family could get together and re-unite.

I love the city of Chicago so on the way back to Oklahoma we stopped in Illinois for a few days.  We rode the Al train, checked out the Aquarium, Navy Pier, The John Hancock Building, The Museum of Science & Industry and the Field Museum.  Ate downtown Chicago with my parents and siblings, checked out the Lincoln Park Zoo and the Art Museum.  My in-laws had a little get together at their house so we could see all the relatives on that side of the family before we had to leave and go back home.  We showed off our new addition to our family and I got home sick for the most wonderful city in the world to me. This was such a wonderful summer in our lives.

We finished the summer off with the lake and the boat and soon school began again. I got signed up for EMT-I at the same time.  The holidays were coming around; I was busy at the beauty shop, school, and helping with Jenny’s baby. I had a special Thanksgiving dinner for my customers  at our home, whom Jimmy cooked lasagna for them and they really enjoyed the company and the food.  Christmas was fun with a baby now walking around the tree and grabbing at ornaments. I loved having the life of a small one around again.  Jenny was now dating another boy and Kristina was getting serious with her boyfriend Aaron.

My parents surprised us and decided to stay with us for Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve we did have Adias’s father, Jason, and his mother whom Adias calls ‘Purple Grandma’ because she always wore purple scrubs from work.  I shed a couple of tears as Jenny sat with her child for her first Christmas helping her open gifts. That year for New Years Eve I put black trash bags taped to the ceiling full of confetti, balloons, and candy and when it struck midnight we tore them open to let the stuff inside fall down on us.

In EMT school you can only fail one test one time. If you fail again you are out. It was the middle of the
semester and we were doing our semi-finals.  I was not quite in enough mental state to study like I should have been. I remember like it was today. I had to do a procedure called Intraosseous infusion to a pretend baby.  This is a life saving skill to do with putting a big needle injecting directly into the marrow of the bone below the knee for my IV solution. I just started to cry. I guess I didn’t have it all together like I thought I did, but all I could do was see Adias in my head and I failed. So I was dropped from the class with the intention to come back next year and start again.

It was the beginning of a New Year, 1997 and I have come to learn that we have no control of what is going to happen in our life. I would never have guessed that I would be a grandmother already and the fact that this child fit so well in our family I am so sure that this was a gift from God and that he has a plan which we will soon learn about.  That is all for today. Remember there is a plan for you. We will not totally understand it. Sometimes we think we got it all figured out and then the rug comes out from under us and we are confused again.  Keep your trust and faith in the Lord, you are in good hands. Thank you for reading this, and see you  tomorrow.

Good Monday to you all. If this is the first time you have hit my blog you may want to start at the beginning where it says Pg 1 –My Story and read this little manuscript of mine from the beginning. This is story of life and love and the choices we make.  I have no regrets and through the experiences I have endured I have grown as a person and hopefully a good example for Christ.  You may judge for yourself. I have not made all the best choices but I have learned from my mistakes and I think that is what life is all about, learning from our mistakes and going on.  Now on with my story.

Well this summer we also got a big surprise that was not expected.  Jenny told me she wasn’t feeling good and so Kristina brought her to the doctor. Jenny told me she was pregnant. This was not easy to hear from your sixteen year old daughter.  I was devastated and I acted before I used my brain and slapped her in the face calling her a slut. There are some things you do in life and wish you could take them back, but you can’t. The damage is already done. I apologized and I had to prepare myself for the coming events. My baby was having a baby.  Now that she is pregnant, she was considered an emancipated minor.  She was allowed to make decisions without the influence of a parent. I didn’t let that bother me, because she needed us to help her. So I made up three rules with the pregnancy. Rule one was she was not allowed to have an abortion, because I didn’t believe in killing. Rule two was she had to finish high school because she would have to be able to take care of her family and you can not get a good job without a high school degree. Rule three was she was not allowed to get married just
because of a baby and if they were still in love after high school than we would help with a wedding. 

 We had our doctor’s appointment where the doctor and I had already been on opposite terms. He told her she had one of three decisions to make. She could have the baby and keep it, or have the baby and give it up for adoption or have an abortion.  I argued with the doctor that abortion was not an option and she only had two to make.  This was my first lesson of emancipation as the doctor informed me I have no right to tell her what to do.

School started again, and now Jenny had to face her peers with the knowledge of being pregnant. We talked to the school, and they were so supportive about this. They let us know that we were not alone. Many other girls have gotten into trouble like this and they want these kids to be able to support their children so they had a special program that helped the teenage mother learn about babies and actually take care of babies as a required class. They had a building not too far from the school where these  teen-age mothers dropped off their infants so they could go to their classes. It was required that all the teen-age mothers and teen-age mothers to be had an hour a day to babysit at this building. They actually got hands on with feeding, burping and changing babies. If you read The Silver Locket you will find something in there about this.

I also started school to become an EMT basic. It was exciting and fun to learn how to use a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff.  As we explored the body and how the mechanics of it worked I found that I really enjoyed these   classes. I was busy with work, school, and my family.

Jenny was starting to show and I knew I had to share this pregnancy with the rest of the kids. I think the
hardest one to tell was Regina. I still can see it like it was yesterday. We were sitting on the stairs and I told her I had something to tell her. My eyes got watery and she just waited patiently for me to capture my composure so I could talk to her.  So I started with, “Regina, can you tell Jenny is getting bigger?” She innocently shook her head no.  “Have you looked at her tummy lately?” I continued.  She looked at me strangely, and asked why is she getting fat?  “No honey,” I continued. “Your sister is having a baby.” 
She had the most innocent look on her face as her eyes starred into mine.  “No she isn’t mom. You said we have to get married first, and then God gives us babies.”  The tears streamed down my face as I told her that sometimes you can get pregnant before marriage.

October flew by with a visit from my parents and sharing the secret we had about Jenny’s pregnancy. 
Jenny was settling down more, not going out as much, and still being a kid with getting into costume for Halloween and our Christmas cookie baking and Christmas fun.  

Jennifer decided that she was going to keep her baby (yea) so we made a bedroom for Kristina in the garage. Kristina and Jennifer shared a bedroom and Kristina was now going to college. We have five children and decided from the get go that we would not do for one and not the other. So we made it clear up front that we could not pay for college. Kristina worked at subway full time and went to school full time. Yes we were/ are very proud of her.

Christmas was fun but I knew I was in for another change in our life. We were going to be grandparents. So the picture we took at Christmas I knew would be the last one of this family as I had known it. There
would now be one more member to add.

The New Year started with Jessica’s 12 birthday, Jimmy’s 43 birthday and Jenny’s 17 birthday.

I graduated EMT Basic School at the Moore-Norman Vo-Tech. I also was honored as a student with this written about me.
 
 Marie Fostino has been named Moore-Norman Vo-Tech Center Student of the Month. 
Fostino is a wife of 22 years, a mother of five children ages 8-19 and a full-time cosmetologist.  “My kids
are my world, but they’re getting older and more independent,” she explained. “After my 40th birthday I
started thinking about my life and what I could do to make a difference.”  Tragically, Fostino found her calling on April 19, 1995. “The Oklahoma city bombing horrified me,” she said. Fostino felt helpless until she called a volunteer phone number. “They needed people to clean the courthouse. I wanted to do anything to help, so I took a week off work to clean up the debris. That’s when I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to work I a health field.”  She volunteered at a local hospital and enrolled in the EMT program during the fall semester. Fostino plans to continue through paramedic training.  “Only one other student has come through this class who compared to Marie in terms of drive, determination and positive outlook,” said Bruna Varalli-Claypool, EMT instructor at Moore-Norman.  “She’s one of the most positive individuals I’ve known and a great influence on the other students.”  In addition to her EMT achievements, Fostino is a certified nursing assistant with medication aide technician duties, a free-lance photographer, a soon-to-be grandmother and she continues to work full-time while carrying a
full-time class schedule.  

I took a fast trip to the State of Washington to see my family in the beginning of February and on February 26 my beautiful granddaugher was born. It was a sight when I brought Jennifer to the hospital.
I think most of her friend’s skipped school that day and I am pretty sure the labor and delivery floor didn’t like us, because there were so many teenagers  in the waiting room, and the hallway, and in her room. 
She was getting an epidural, and I remember before they gave it to her and the pain would start she would grab me and with her fingers digging into my skin leaving marks until the pain went away.  Finally when it was time to push everyone had to leave except for me, Jimmy and the baby’s father with his
mother.  I just cried as I watched the birth of this new addition to our family.  Jimmy took the pictures since Jenny wouldn’t let me leave her side. They don’t let you take pictures like this anymore but I will show you this wonderful one of Adias as her head and shoulder are just coming out into the world. 
Oh yea, my daughter named her  child, Adias, which I had trouble with because of the shoes called Adidas and I would catch myself calling her that  name instead.  This beautiful creature was 7 lbs – 3 oz and 18 & ¾ inches long.

It was crazy at our house with a new baby. Jenny was trying to nurse and sleep and finish school.  The
school was great coming over to tutor her until the baby was 6 weeks old before she would have to return to  school.  We all had a big part in caring for this baby. Kristina would take her in her room and sing to the baby to get her to sleep.  Erik would take her into his room and play Hazzard by Richard Marx, very loud but would put the baby to sleep.  Jimmy and I would take turns taking Adias to bed with us just enjoying a new baby in the house.  Regina turned 9 when Adias was almost 5 weeks old. It did feel strange having a daughter at the age with a grandbaby.  In April Erik had a date to his semi-formal dance, but on the day of the dance his date decided she didn’t want to go. So Jenny put on one of Kristina’s prom dresses and she went as his date. One thing I can say is that no matter how sometimes they may argue like most siblings do, they always seem to be there for each other. Erik was devastated when his date dropped the ball on him but Jenny picked him up and they had a good time. 

That May we helped Jenny get ready for her prom. She looked beautiful. Yes we only gave her so much money and she had to come up with the rest but to my kids this was a normal part of life. We all had to be responsible.

 I started getting some flack from other adults about letting my teen-age mother live at home.  I was told it was tough love to make them leave and try to figure out how to raise their child on their own.  You know the old saying; you made your bed, now lie in it. Some of the people at church frowned upon the school for having the program to keep pregnant girls in school. They said that is why these kids were having sex.  I found it wasn’t easy with our decision to support our child, while she was trying to raise her
baby. We were talked about, and not very nicely. My question to all of them  was this child was only 17 yrs old and not even finished with high school, so how was she suppose to take care of herself yet a baby. A lot asked me why the father wasn’t there, and that was I guess my choice. Just because they had sex I didn’t see the reason to make them do something that may hurt them later on in life. Jimmy and I tried to support Jenny’s decision to keep this baby and help her anyway we could. After all this was also our grandbaby, part of our blood. 

We wanted Jenny to be responsible for her child yet at the same time try to still be a teen-ager. So as she cared for her baby we would let her go out and have fun.  We still did our things like coloring Easter eggs as a family and she stayed involved with us and our love grew for this new member of our family. 

OK that is enough for today. I hope you are enjoying my story. Remember that no matter what you do, you are worth something and a special person in this world.

I hope this finds you well today. I am very busy on my ambulance today, but I will continue to write in between patients. Sorry I didn't write yesterday, but I was in one of my mother modes. As the kids have
gotten older, it has been hard to have individual birthdays so now I group them together. We have quite a few in the month of January counting grandparents and grandbabies. So yesterday Jimmy and I planned a new game for them to play. I call it the Birthday games, (since they love reading the Hunger games). Lol 

Jimmy made four Sponge Bob Square Pants cakes, and a big batch of frosting. I picked up a lot of color tubes of frosting plus the kind you can mix in your frosting to change a color. We paired the kids off and had a decorating contest. It was so much fun to see what they were going to do. I told them they didn’t have to decorate it as Sponge Bob. I had the idea they would make maybe a clown or policeman. 
Their ideas were completely different than I expected and they had so much fun.  We ended up with a cake for the Wonder Pets, a Butterfly, a Star and a Bikini. 
Now on with my story.

The year went by with a visit from my parents and went tubing in Arcadia, Oklahoma.  We enjoy the summer with the circus and the zoo and before you knew it school was here again with the carving of
pumpkins and making Christmas happen.   Of course when it snowed we made snowmen and it was hard to believe but Jenny was now sixteen yrs old.  We had her party at a pool hall called Norman Billiards Ballroom that had a separate room with a pool table plus table and chairs for our pizza. Music was piped in, lots of kids standing around, talking and playing pool, and then our meal with the birthday
cake.  If you have read my book The Silver Locket this is where I got part of my story.                           

I also changed jobs, quitting the job at National Hair Care and decided to get a job in a little beauty shop where I could rent a chair. It was getting pretty hard to keep up the demands of that job along with keeping an eye on Jennifer. It was not easy to start this way. When you rent a chair, you have to pay the owner whether you make any money or not.  I also decided to try and do wedding photography on my own.  I am the mother of five children and could not afford a lot of things, so I could not charge a lot either. I would put my shoes on their feet and decided that the customer shouldn’t have to pay a big price for their hair to be done or pictures and that was how I charged.   

It was the morning of April 19, 1995 when we felt the beauty shop shake.  If you read my book called A Sruggle of the Heart, this is where I got part of my story.  It was a weird and scary feeling.  I remember the boss putting on the TV set and listening to the announcer talking about a bomb in a van parked outside of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building before the terrible explosion.  I had a customer under
the dryer and I was setting another ones hair. The TV set was asking for volunteers to help the wounded. I felt compelled to be there.  So I called the rest of my customers and told them I would not be in the rest of the day. My boss gave me directions to where the building was and in no time after finishing the two women I was on the road.  Sometimes you cannot control your emotions, and I was just crying. When I got close to the sight the National Guard was all around in their uniforms which scared me to death. I guess I should have been use to seeing men in uniform living in Lawton, but I wasn’t.  

In fact I remember one time while I was living in Lawton, when I first moved there and trying to find Mt. Scott, I saw army men running in uniform in the mountain with their weapons. I got scared, what was going on, my mind kept saying. When I saw the tanks roaming around I actually went back home too safely. That is when I found out I accidently was on the army base and they were doing their daily exercise.

Anyway the people in uniform stopped my car, checked it out and asked me what I was doing there. I told them I wanted to help with the wounded, and they let me pass telling me where to park.  My body was shaking, I am not sure I was ever this scared. I parked my car and the uniform people that were standing around pointed and showed me where to go. The guard I talked to was not real pleasant. He asked me for some identification and then turned me away. I cried and pleaded with him that they were saying on TV they needed help, but it was no good.  I am not sure I had ever cried so hard as I tried driving home with the tears making my vision blurry.  Putting on the TV set they were asking for blankets and so I gathered up a bunch to drop off. What else could I do?   I watched the devastation on the TV set.

The announcer said a man with the name of Timothy McVeigh made a bomb out of ammonium nitrate and loaded it in a Ryder truck  parked in front of the Murrah Federal Building, lit the bomb’s fuse and left the keys in the truck, locked the door before walking across the parking lot and out of view. 
 
I watched as the news portrayed the devastation. An aerial view panned the building, which showed one side of it missing like someone sheered it off. I could see open floors with desks, chairs and papers
fluttering down.  The ground outside was covered with bricks, construction material and debris. Black smoke and ash covered the skyline and land around the area. Cars in the parking lot were damaged and smoking. Sirens were blaring and people were yelling as they ran down the street crying, dirty and bleeding.

I would hear that they would need help and to call a number. Whenever I called the number it would be busy.  I was getting frustrated as I continued to watch. Finally they put on a number and I got through.  It was not what I had planned but I was to go in a couple of weeks and help clean up the devastation.  At least that was something, and that made me feel a little bit better. When the time came and I got my call, I drove to the spot and encountered the FBI and National Guard all around. They put us in a line, gave us boot, jackets, gloves and respirator masks to wear before we entered the building.  We were not allowed to talk, or even go to the bathroom alone. They made us do everything as a group. It was one of the hardest jobs I ever had picking up brick and debris.  

I had an uneasy feeling after this experience. I was forty years old and what have I done with my life. 
I ran two to three miles a day and my mind would wonder.  I want to do more, but what.  I did have something also that kept me from wanting to continue, and that was I was not very good in high school with grades in the C’s and D’s and if I wanted to do something else that would mean I would have to  go back to school.  

They say when God wants you to do something he will keep pestering you and that is what he did to me. 
I would try to fight my thoughts, and keep myself busy with work and my kids, but I kept hearing a voice telling me I have to do something else with my life and that means I will have to accept the challenge of going back to school.  

During this time I kept busy with my patrons at the beauty shop.  Most of my patrons were elderly women and I just seem to have a big place in my heart for them. I loved to make them look good and feel good.  I
even had them over to my house for meals just so they could all get together and talk and just have a good time.  May and June rolled around with the kids getting back into softball, Jimmy taking turns fishing with the kids and a little vacation with Jimmy’s sister at Quartz Mountain.  My nephew Bradley came for a visit and we enjoyed Turner Falls. 

I got a phone call and I was on my way to Florida. My brother Johnny was found dead in one of his limousines.  The police said he was in the limousine for a few days dead and his body we decomposed pretty bad because of the Florida heat, so they would not let us see him. My parents were devastated; this was the second of my siblings to die.  It was not an easy job to go through his apartment, trying to clean it out, maybe seeing what we thought was blood on the carpet, but not really a clue how he died. My parents and my three sisters and I cried together and had a memorial for him at his favorite bar.

I also joined a sport for the first time in my life. I was on a soccer team and for my 41st birthday in August I had my first black eye from a head bunt with a player from the other team as we fought for the ball. And yes I scored so it was worth it.  Jimmy had bought me tickets to see the Dobie Brothers and Steve Miller Band for my gift.  We finished with the summer by taking the kids fishing and out on the lake tubing behind our boat or let them take turns steering it around the lake.

I also decided it was time to act upon the thoughts that kept creeping in my head.  So I went to Moore Norman Vo-tech about becoming a nurse.  The excitement rose in body when I went inside but I was quickly let down when I found out I would have to go to school full time, five days a week, eight hours
a day. I could not afford to not work and who would be there for my kids. 

A lady brought me in her room and talked to me. “Why,” she asked, “Do you want to be a nurse?”  I told her the story about the bombing, and how help less I felt not being able to help.  I want to help people I said just as the tears started running down my face.  She seemed quite impressed with me, and my sincerity so she had an idea for me.  She told me about EMT’s who are ambulance drivers and help people all the time. The best part was I would be able to keep my job, and go to school one or two nights a week.  All I had to do was pass their test. So she gave me a piece of paper with questions that would be like on the test so I could have an idea how to study for the test.  This frightened me. I now had to face my fear of school.  I didn’t take much arithmetic in high school and I had no idea what the math questions were so Kristina and Jenny quickly started to tutor me.

Well this is enough for today.  Remember you were given  the gift of life so let it count.

Hope this finds you all well today. Thank you for reading my story and I hope you are enjoying it. Remember this is a true story from my heart and how love is a choice.

Well we moved into a big two story house, and got the kids back to school.  Our friends from Lawton, Oklahoma asked us over for the holidays. It was only a couple hour drive, and well worth it for that at home feeling.  

1993 rolled around and we started with birthdays again. Poor Jessica did not have that many friends yet so we had her ninth birthday party at McDonalds and the staff was wonderful making it special for her.  Jimmy had his fortieth birthday and I surprised him at work with balloons. Jennifer turned fourteen years old so a slumber party was in order for her birthday.  In March Regina turned six and McDonalds helped us out again.

You must think that I am really crazy but I feel that birthdays are worth celebrating. I believe that each year is a gift from God, so I always made sure that something was done special for each birthday. I loved the old fashion kind of birthday parties with games like pin the tail on the donkey, fill the bottles with water, man-made wheel barrels, egg toss contest and tug of war. But I could only do these parties when we lived someplace long enough for my kids to have a handful of friends. 

I had to find a job around the kid’s hours and luckily I found one at McDonalds.  This was the first time I ever heard of a person being over qualified.  That is what they told me before I talked them into hiring me.  I use to work the drive thru in the evening and then stayed to clean the store before I got to go home.  Sometimes we would not get out till two AM with all the work we did so the store would be ready the next day. I think this was the hardest job I ever had. Plus my kids started to get tired of McDonalds hamburgers and salads because I would bring any leftover ones home to eat.

This year my oldest daughter went to her first prom. This was a big step for the both of us. It is hard to see your child grow up so fast. She looked like such a beautiful woman. Plus having five children money
was tight so I really had to shop for her dress.  Kristina worked part time at McDonalds and she had to help pay for her dress.

We explored this new city of Norman, and one of the kid’s favorite places was Frontier City a big amusement park.  Softball summer leagues started again and of course we had four of our  kids each in a team. Erik’s birthday came and we spent the day at a water park, after Jimmy took him and his two
friends fishing.  My parents were now living in Saudi Arabia and would come back one month a year. They surprised us with a visit for a few days.   One of my favorite things to do with my kids since they were small was to have breakfast at the park. I know it sounds lame, but I would pack up cereal, bread, banana’s, milk and orange juice and we would have breakfast at the park and play to start our day. 
So I took my mom on one of my excursions which I think she enjoyed.  My dad and Jimmy and Erik went fishing, and my parents took my kids to the water park before they had to leave and visit my other siblings.

This year Jimmy and I decided that we would try and take a vacation. You know a regular vacation with sightseeing something new and no relatives to visit. We scraped and saved and decided to take out kids to Colorado and show the kids where we went for our honeymoon. We found a place with a couple of rooms and a refrigerator at Lake Estees Park.  It is so beautiful there.  It is a valley surrounded by mountains. We brought the kids to the Garden of the Gods, and horseback riding. But we also did something we had never done before; we went River Rafting down the Colorado River. I don’t think my kids ever had so much fun on this vacation and we hoped to do something like this again.

This was one of the first times we actually made friends with other adults from church. I mean we always go to church, but Jimmy decided to go to Sunday school with me and the results were great.  We had a Halloween party this year for adults and our friends from church and some neighbors came over
for the fun. Of course I still helped my kids get dressed up and we went trick or treating on Halloween night.

I made it a tradition to carve pumpkins every Halloween, and pick out costumes which sometimes I made and sometimes I bought. I loved dressing up and making a big deal out of getting free candy.  Every Christmas I would have my kids bake all sorts of cookies.  I let my kids be in charge of the Christmas tree with the only part I did was put on the lights. A couple of days before Christmas Eve I would take my kids Christmas caroling to neighbors houses or nursing homes.  We would sing with candles lit over a paper plate to catch the wax and hand out some of the cookies we made. To me it was important to make some kind of traditions even if they were not passed down from our parents.  This was always something my kids expected to do with pleasure and fun. I wanted them to know that life was fun and something to celebrate.  

So another Thanksgiving came with a visit from my father in law and another Christmas came for us to be thankful for the birth of our Lord and Savior. The New Year started again 1994. Birthdays came and went with our usual fun. Easter came and I made a tradition for that holiday also. I would buy four or five kinds of decorator’s sets for the three dozen hard boiled eggs and let the kids use their imagination. I enjoyed making the Easter baskets and hiding the eggs and baskets for Sunday mornings to find before getting ready for church.  This year we decided to have Easter at Mt Scott and eat at Meers.  This is in the middle of the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge. If you like to run in the rocks of mountains and see buffalo this is the place to go and we had a good time. In fact in my book called A Struggle of the Heart this is one of the main places in my book.

Kristina went to her senior prom and we are proud to say she graduated high school that year. My mother in law came down to see her walk and our celebration dinner was at Olive Garden.

This was the first year for Regina to start T-ball and her team won second place. Of course Jennifer, Erik and Jessica were playing ball also, the one thing we could do with our kids that did not cost us a
fortune and was good exercise besides teaching discipline.

Mean while I changed my Beautician license and finally it was good to use in Oklahoma. I found a job at National Hair Care in the Wal-Mart as a beautician.  I gave my two weeks’notice at McDonalds and I was ready to leave that place. It was a good job, but it was hard work and I was getting worn out. At National Hair Care we got paid by the hour not by the patron.  It was important for us to work fast and see how many people you could get finished in your time period. We actually had to depend on our tips to make decent money. It was at this job where I started to learn about people.  My boss was a nice lady but really could care less about me, no matter how many times I would try and be friends with her. When the top people of the company would come in to check in on us, they wouldn’t even say hello.  There was an opening for a new manager and I tried out for the position and guess what, I got it.  That is when I experienced how fake people can be. All of a sudden the top people would say hi to me when they came to my store. The employees who really didn’t talk to me much when I worked with them side by side, all of a sudden wanted to be my best friend.   I worked hard at this job, always on call if someone didn’t show up and every Friday night would do inventory.  I was in for the competition to keep my store as the highest rank for sales.  I wanted to be a different kind of boss. I thought one way to do it was to be extra nice to my employees. So I planned a summer party at a pool with hot dogs and burgers. I thought it would be fun to get together in a different environment instead of work.  So we had our fun, and when my birthday came up that August and I turned forty Jimmy sent balloons to my company and the employees bought me a cake.  But I am not so sure that I was actually making points with my employees. Maybe it was just because I was the boss, which continued to keep us apart.

During this time I also was having trouble with one of my children. My Jennifer would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night. I have that mother’s instinct and I would never sleep all night
without getting up in the middle of the night to check up on my kids. I remember the first time I got up and her bed was empty. I could not go back to sleep that night.  When she finally slipped back into the house I grounded her. But that didn’t stop her. So I had to get creative and place little things by the doors and the windows to let me know if they were moved because she would lie to me, never admitting. The school called me once telling me that she was on some kind of drugs, and I needed to have her drug tested. We talked as we drove and Jenny said they were crazy, until we got into the parking lot of the medical facility when she decided to tell me that I didn’t need to get her tested and yes she took something.  I was devastated. I had trouble understanding this. I didn’t take drugs or get into any kind of trouble so why is my daughter?  In fact this is one of the things that my husband would get annoyed with. “Do you know how hard it is to live with Mary Poppins,” he would say about me. Now Jimmy is another story and had taken drugs in his youth, and he took some when we were married and I wouldn’t even know it. That is how naïve I am I guess.  

I decided I needed to start keeping an extra eye on that daughter. I asked the school if they would make her stay in the building at lunch, because they had open campus, but they told me no. So I tried to get away at lunch time, to take her to lunch to make sure she would go back to school afterwards.  I would make her call me when she got home from school and just tried to keep an extra eye on her which was pretty hard when you also have a full time job. One thing about life is you have to always accept change because change will come whether you ask for it or not. I was not asking for a rebellious child but that is life.

I think the biggest deceitful thing she did was the time she was suppose to be on a church event. I actually dropped her off at the church. When I got the call that night telling me my daughter was not there, I was so worried. Where was she? The pastor of the church told me not to worry until Sunday, if she doesn’t show up.  It was the longest weekend I ever had. But he was right; on Sunday she showed and talked to us like she was on the retreat. The pastor told us not to say anything to her about not being on the retreat and to bring her to church after school on Monday. That was when he asked her why she lied to us.  In fact if you read my book The Silver Locket I have something in my book about this event. But please remember the book is fiction and that part of the story has some made up events. 
 
The school called me again for my daughter being on drugs again with her insisting that this time they were wrong and when I got her drug tested, it came out negative.  

Then one day I got a call from the school secretary, whom my daughter didn’t know that I was good friends, with to tell me something that my daughter was doing but I had to be discreet.  The school had a policy that if the kids wanted to have sex and wanted to know what kind of contraceptives for safe sex they can leave the school building during school hours to the health department to find out  without telling the parents. 

OK that his enough for today. I think I have talked off your ear off today. Have a great day and remember to love with your whole heart. 

Good day to everyone today. First I want to thank you for reading my blog. I hope you have had a chance to read my books and if you feel up to it, I would love a review from you. Also since I do not have an agent it would be nice if you could pass along to others what you thought of my book so maybe they will buy it helping my book get known to the outside world. With that said on to my story.

Life was good in Indiana. Erik had his birthday party at Diamond Jim’s Water Park, and when my Aunt Peggy and Uncle Bill and their kids came to visit us from Wisconsin and we showed off our wonderful Zoo. Labor Day was spent at Frankee Park since the city had a big picnic going on with a petting zoo,
Inflatable party jumpers, face painting and lots of games like potato sac races.We went bike riding; the kids would skate in the church parking lot next door to our home and let’s not forget their sports.

October was a sad month with the death of my grandpa. How lucky my kids were to have a great grandpa for a while.  I truly appreciated the time with my grandpa and my grandma as they would take the time to visit us at their age. I decided to make Halloween lots of fun with all the kids carving pumpkins and a Halloween party.  I had a big party, and the house was so decorated up with so many good treats and games for the kids to play.

 In November my sisters and brother decided to try and get together. We all lived fairly close to each other except for my sister Patti who lived in the state of Washington.  There were only five of us siblings now, and we really had a great  time catching up on each other’s lives.  We talked about my sister Jeannie and how much we missed her also but what peace we felt inside knowing she was now with Jesus.  We hoped that we could try to do this every year but life goes on and that never happened.

Christmas came with the decorating of cookies, putting up the tree, church, and Santa Claus.  January came and the birthdays began again. Jessica turned eight and we went to Pokagon, Ill to go tobogganing
on the giant toboggan hill.  Snow filled our little town and the kids again had fun making snowmen for the nursing home tenants.  Jimmy’s birthday came with dinner at Banditos, and Jennifer’s birthday we went to the bowling alley for her party.  Kristina had her first semi-formal dance. I just couldn’t believe how fast she was growing up and so happy we were a family to enjoy this time together.   Regina turned five and we had her party at Chucky Cheese bringing the elderly woman who took care of her at the nursing home with us. What a treat for all of us as this woman would smile and enjoy herself with our family. My heart just beamed in delight as I watched her enjoy herself  and as she thanked me for including her at our family event.

That March my parents and my little sister Beverly came for a short visit and we took the kids to the roller rink. April came bringing us to eighteen years of marriage. It was hard to believe it was just a couple of years ago when we were going through such a hard time debating divorce.  This is when I discovered that love is a choice. I mean, we first fell in love by chance, but to keep our love alive and to keep our family was a choice. We learned to give and take, to accept each other’s good and bad habits.  We
decided to have a romantic night of celebration, after all we deserved it. So we had Kristina babysit and went to the Fort Wayne Hilton for the night. We had a carriage ride, and spent the rest of the night in the hotel.  I kind of missed the kids so in the morning we picked them up and let them go swimming in the hotels pool before check out. That was a great way to celebrate our wedding anniversary.  I don’t want to make a false picture that everyday was one hundred percent happiness. We still got into arguments;
the noise of the kids would bother Jimmy. I loved being outdoors with my kids whether at the park or taking walks and Jimmy really didn’t think that was fun. Jimmy hated the fact of how much money I would spend on birthday parties or my family pictures and still to this day he says he would be a millionaire if he could get all that money back. Yet he loves when he looks into all my photo albums of our life when he is alone. We would get into our moods from the past sometimes, but we also knew that we wanted to stay together and we were willing to work at it.

Easter came with the coloring of eggs, church and the hiding of Easter baskets. Regina graduated nursery school and Erik graduated fifth grade bringing in the summer with Jennifer, Erik and Jessica in soccer.  Kristina turned sixteen years old, where did the time go, and so we had a party for her. She
invited twenty friends; the house was full of balloons and a feast of potato salad, baked beans and lots of lunch meat, cheeses with different kinds of breads.  The kids had music playing, played volley ball and just sat around and talked until we sang happy birthday.  What a surprise to all of us when dinner was over and gifts opened up from her friends. They put on the music to The Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show and one of the boys had on a slip, with his face made up like a woman and sang and danced for us. This was a birthday we would never forget.

The summer went on with Erik’s birthday at Fun Spot Water Park where Erik threw up on one of the rides and a camping trip in Wisconsin with my Aunt Peggy and Uncle Bill and family. We went to visit my
grandma who now was living alone, but in good spirits. She taught my children how to snap beans for dinner and showed them how to play cards.  We saw a lot of our other relatives in Wisconsin, went fishing and four wheeling. We got back to Chicago just in time for the family Gaeta picnic before going back home to Indiana. The one really neat thing about living in Indiana was were not far from relatives to visit or for them to visit us and we needed that family feeling again.

Jimmy had been looking for another job. He said the only way to climb up the ladder was get so much experience at one bakery before you put in resume's to more. Well he got a phone call from another bakery in Norman, Oklahoma. He landed a job from being a supervisor to assistant plant manager and we were on the road again.  We were moving far away from home again, not a close enough  drive for the holidays. I was not sure I really wanted to be alone again, away from family but what choice did I have. Thank heavens for our old best friends in Lawton, Oklahoma as they went out of their way to include us for the coming holidays and helping us feel like family was around yet. 

Well that is enough for today. Thank you again for reading this and have a wonderful day!

Hello everybody, I hope you are all having a wonderful day. On with my story.

We packed up the kids, the furniture I had in storage and moved to Ft. Wayne, Indiana. It was a good feeling to move into our own home again. I did not like living in a town home in an apartment complex with my family. I enjoyed  and appreciated my in laws but this seemed normal again.  Jimmy got a job at a bakery again and I got the kids registered back into school.  Our subdivision had a pool which was more than welcomed. We had to explore this new city and we found one our favorite places to go was the Ft. Wayne Children’s Zoo. This Zoo let the kids feed the baby animals bottles of milk and ice cream cone full of their food.  We tried to put things back to normal with small family birthday parties for Erik and Kristina and us, since we didn’t know anyone.  Jimmy let the kids make his wonderful homemade pizza as part of the fun. Before school started we went to my sister Nanci’s cottage in Indiana and to the Gaeta Family Picnic. 

I started looking for jobs again. I had to figure out how to work around Jimmy’s hours. He was working the day shift so that meant I would have to work the night shift. I also decided to focus on my photography again and entered some more KINSA contests.  In just the second week I was second
place. In the fourth week I placed a honorable mention and in the fifth week I placed first and second place in the black & white entries. At the end of the contest I did not make the grand winner but I was one of the photographers that had a photograph sent on to the KINSA national competition. 

Well I found a job at a nursing home and learned how to become a nurse’s aide.  The first month was hard because the training was during the day, but after I passed and got my certificate I started
my new career as a nurse’s aide on the midnight shift. The only problem was we still had a three yr old at home. Regina learned to be resourceful on the VCR as she would put in tapes to watch as I took naps
and she would wake me up to feed her. I had to learn to get along with not much sleep. Dinner had to be made; kids had to get home work done, and hopefully a nap before I went to work again.  My job was to check my group of  residents twice in the middle of the night to see if they voided (wet the bed)
and if they did I would change them into dry clothes and bed linen.  I also would have to get them up at the crack of dawn to get them ready for breakfast, by brushing their teeth, putting them on the toilet, and getting them dressed. Since I was a beautician I also carried a comb and would fix their hair and had a tube of pink lipstick and some blush to put on my female patients to make them feel beautiful in the morning. Yea, I am a geek. My mom always said a woman’s hair is her crown and glory and I truly believed for these elderly women it was. They would feel so special after I would fix them up.

School started and the holidays started rolling by. I let the kids decorate the Christmas tree and my in laws came down for Christmas.  It was fun looking for gifts this year, and it seemed like Jimmy and I were going to be all right.

Than in time Jimmy had his hours changed to the midnight shift and so I had to change mine again. I have to say I really enjoyed taking care of these elderly people. I was so busy, and pretty
upset to see how   some of the aides would hide in a patient’s room to watch a soap opera instead of taking care of their patients. I couldn’t even find the time to take lunch let alone watch TV with so much work to do. In time there was an opening in the beauty shop so I changed my beautician license to Indiana and started doing the residents hair. Some of the patrons at the beauty shop I recognized because I use to be there nurse aide. This is when I was first introduced to dementia. They didn’t seem to
know me, or they called me somebody else’s name (from their past) and would remind me that we were going out that night. I would just play along but one instant just broke my heart. One of the women I just loved one day came to the beauty shop door and very shyly asked me if I knew where she lived. She didn’t even recognize me. I think this is when I discovered my love for the elderly.  I loved taking care of them, and trying to show them love and compassion. 


I loved my hobby for photography, so I looked for a part time job as a photographer. There was a photography studio that was willing to teach me how to work medium format cameras. I was on cloud nine.  So I worked Monday through Friday at the beauty shop in the nursing home and on the weekends sometimes shooting weddings because I was on call.  I loved that job. I learned so much. I started to even take black and white pictures and use their dark room to develop them.  They taught me so much about posing and arranging people along with the lightening, I only wished I could do it full time, but than people usually only get married on weekends. 

It was now 1991 and my kids were adjusting back into school. Erik and Jennifer were playing soccer with the school teams. I use to take my kids to the nursing home on weekends just to walk down the hallways and say hi to the residents. Sometimes they would wheel a person around in their wheel chair just to make them smile. When it snowed we would make snowmen outside of the nursing home so the residents could watch my children make them and so they could have more days just to admire them. 

Our families were supporting our decision to stay as a family as my parents came down to visit us in just before Easter and my in laws came on Easter. The summer got here pretty fast and we even got Regina in her first soft ball league. So now I had all five kids playing ball which was a chore in itself.  Jim and I were busy with work and trying to keep up with the kid’s ball sessions of practices and games. We took the kids to Jelly Stone Park camping with my father in law’s help of course, plus outings  like the beach and the zoo and My Aunt Peg and Uncle Bill came to visit which helped make the summer complete.

The summer finally came to an end with the kids back in school except Regina who was at home during the day while her father slept. One of my patrons at the beauty shop in the nursing home didn't think she had enough money to spend to get her hair done.  So I made a deal with her, and she would watch Regina once a week in her room in exchange for a  hair do. This was good for the two of them as they enjoyed each others company.


I also knew a man with the name of Julian from the nursing home. He was in his upper forties, and was a paraplegic. This man was about 16 yrs old when he jumped down from the roof of his home into his swimming pool hitting his head the wrong way and he was paralyzed ever since.  When I was his nurse
aide I would take extra care with him.  He was on the big side, so I would always ask for help getting him in his wheel chair.  He could not use his hands since he was paralyzed so he was use to being fed. As I got to know him, I really enjoyed talking to him and became very fond of him.  So sometimes on my days off I would come by and take him out to lunch in his wheel chair to a fast food joint.  He deeply appreciated this since he otherwise never got any other kind of food except nursing home food.  
 
It was finally his 50th birthday, and I remember this like it happened yesterday.  I got my kids together, and put fifty candles on a cake for him.  The staff told me I could only light half the candles because they were afraid of a fire. We came into the room and sang Happy Birthday to him, and he cried.  He also needed help to blow out the candles which my kids were grateful to do.  
 
It was that December that my family helped me make a special day for him. The nursing home would not let me have a wheel chair van so I wrapped him up for cold weather. Across the street from the nursing home there was a mall and I walked him outside towards the mall until we hit the movie theater. I remember him telling me he had not seen a movie since he was sixteen years old. So our Christmas present to him, was going to the movies on Christmas Eve. We saw the movie Curly Sue. He was so cute and Jimmy would get agitated because Julian would talk through the movie. But it didn’t matter
because except for us there was only two other people in the whole theatre. 
 
I don’t remember the date but not much later Julian died. This was hard for my kids since they had gotten to know him and really love him. They each wrote poems or drew pictures and laid them on his body at
the funeral. 

Well I think this is enough for today. I miss Julian, but I am happy for the fact that I got to know this wonderful man and that we got to be a part of his life even if  it was for a short time. Remember life is short.  So forgive, let go and really  LOVE.

Good Day everyone. I am back from a wonderful weekend. I surprised my mother and showed up to her home on Saturday night so I could spend Sunday with her.  It was her 77th birthday.  We really enjoyed
ourselves with the day starting out with Church, than dinner with my dad, Louise, (mom’s friend) and my nephew Bradley.  Next I made her open her b-day gift from her daughters, which I made her try on before we went to get pedicures done.  Finally we went shopping for some pants and a blouse for her and than a movie at her home with dad. That woman got so many phone calls and cards she had to be in seventh heaven.  It was a great time for the both of us, but now I am back at work. So on with my story

 


When Grandpa Joe took us home I tried to make life as normal as possible for my children.  It was at the end of January and I decided to have a birthday party for all the birthdays in January.  Jennifer turned eleven and Jessica turned six and of course my father in law but I didn’t ask him his age. My heart did break some also because it was also Jimmy’s birthday. I got the kids back in to school.  In March we had Regina’s third birthday. We got together with my sister Beverly and her kids and my sister in law Joanne with her child just having the everyday normal life. But life wasn’t normal for me.  

Jimmy had gone on to Georgia and was living with a friend who helped him get a job. I would try to be home in time in the evenings for his phone call.  We needed to talk and there was no such thing as cell phones, so if I missed the phone call l would have to wait another 24 hours to hopefully hear from him again.  There was so much we needed to say and to figure out for our future. Remember what I said, once you have children your life doesn’t belong to you anymore.  We decided that I should come up to see him, so I packed a bag and flew to Georgia.   It was a hard reunion at first. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling.  It didn’t help to hear Gloria’s voice on the phone when he checked his messages. He said he was through with her, but she keeps calling him.   We talked and talked trying to figure out what he/we want. I went home still confused and unsure of what we were doing. 

My mind went on a rampage. I could divorce him. The courts and everyone I know would understand why.  Whenever the word Divorce would enter my head the tears would follow. I had no control and I felt like such a failure.  As I would try to look at the big picture and see my future my imagination would go wild. I would see my children going to his home on weekends with a different lady there all the time or that he would have beer or drugs readily handy for them or there may be inappropriate things on the TV for them to watch. I would see him marry someone whom I really didn’t care for with different values than
mine and she would want them to call her mom. I also envisioned myself with my kids never getting to see them because I would probably have to work three jobs just to keep a roof over their head and food in their stomachs. The idea of not being around my kids while they grow up I could not stomach.  These kids didn’t ask to be born, so why punish them like that. Part of me disliked him so much, but yet part of me was still in love with him. Pastor Clem’s words came to my head; I could be an example for God if I can only learn forgiveness and give a second chance.  I knew I had to make a sacrifice for my kids and trust that  God would take care of my compassion for my husband. 

 So it was decided that Jimmy would come back to live with his parents and his family and we would try to make a go of it again. I will tell you it wasn’t easy. I didn’t want him to touch me or kiss me. I kept seeing Gloria in my head. I had to pray for that image to go away and for God to take over and let me completely forgive. 

We decided that we would get married again. We got a hold of Pastor Clem and on our anniversary day in the church with only me, Jimmy and Pastor Clem we said our vows all over again. I cried so hard that day.  Part of me was so happy and a part of me was so angry. Remember I am human also and I was
still fighting the dislike part of his affair.  We took a weekend honeymoon to Galena, Ill to see Ulysses Grant’s home and did some sightseeing plus went to the dog races. 


Our life was slowly getting back to normal with picnics with the whole family including Jimmy’s parents and some of our friends.  I brought the kids to see the Little Red School House, something that I remembered from my past and we had been gone from Illinois for quite a while.  By June Jessica had graduated kindergarten which was a chore for me to help her get through. It seems that in Texas the kids didn’t have to read to get into first grade but in Illinois they did so I had to help catch Jessica up on her reading skills.  Kristina graduated eight grade that June which I suppose was not easy for her since she didn’t know anyone really in her class. 

I put the kids straight into the sports summer program with Kristina, Jennifer and Erik playing softball. Grandpa Joe had a pool in the back yard so we had many picnics and swim parties until Jimmy finally found a job and we were moving again and this time to Ft Wayne, Indiana. 
 
OK that is enough for today. I thank you all for reading my blog and I hope you have had a chance to read my books. Till tomorrow.

Good day to all of you who are reading this. Please don't judge Jimmy or I until you have read this whole script from start to finish.  There is plenty to tell about my life, and I must say that I love my husband very much. Love is a choice and hopefully you will understand at the end.

On with the story.   I left Gloria's house, heartbroken, crying as I drove back home. I tried not to wake Jimmy, but when I am anxious about something I have to deal with it right away. To say the least he was angry with me for confronting Gloria. When he went to work, he called me and told me he was not coming home that night. What did I do? The last thing I wanted was for him to leave me.  I begged him to come home and he showed up the next night. Somehow he arranged it to where he was coming home every other night and staying with her every other night. I was sick to my stomach. I only ate one  meal on the days he showed up and did not eat any other time. I just couldn't eat, I was to upset. In a couple of weeks I lost 15 pounds.  My oldest daughter Kristina could see I was upset and I would find her knocking at my door in the middle of the night, as I cried, and she would sleep with me trying to comfort me.

I called my parents, and I called Jimmy's parents to let them know what was going on. Then I called the church I was married in. The first pastor I talked to, told me I should divorce Jimmy that God didn't plan marriages to be like this. DIVORCE the word kept echoing in my head. The one word I really didn't believe in.  So I cleaned out the bank account before I seek out a lawyer. This was one of the scariest things I had ever done. The lawyer told me this was a clean cut case, husband cheating on his wife and I would have custody of our kids. The lawyer made me write out what were mine and Jimmy's so that we could divide up everything. My hand shook as I worked on this small simple task that I didn't believe in. But I also could not keep living like this.

Next I called Jimmy's boss and told him that my husband was having an affair with one of his employees. This did not set to good with Jimmy's boss. The lawyer called me and told me what day he was having the divorce papers brought to Jimmy.  I had a plan.

I took all Jimmy's clothes out of my house and drove to his work and  put them in his car and quickly drove back home. A little while later, Jimmy called me. In one day he got divorce papers, fired from  his job and kicked out of his home. He was devastated. .

My father in law decided to come and get me and the kids and let us live with them. My father in law was a truck driver all his life so it was nothing for him to drive a truck cross country. I called the church I got married in again and this time talked to the pastor who married us. He listened to my story but he wasn't as quick to judge Jimmy like the first pastor was. I told him I was coming back home to Illinois and he asked me to please come and see him. He also told me that I had all the right in the world to divorce Jimmy but before I make anything final to talk to him.

Jimmy was now living with his girlfriend. I was  packing things up to move. My father in law was on his way down to get me and five children. What a mess.

We had a court date, and Jimmy showed up to court as the judge talked to us. It was official now, and I had a year to finalize it. The ball was now in my  court. Jimmy took me for a ride and we talked. He couldn't understand how he got where he was, and I just cried. I made him park the car and looked deep into his eyes. "Do you love me?" was all I asked. He starred at me, and a couple of tears dribbled down his cheeks. "Yes" he said.

My father in law showed up with the truck, along with my sister in law. We packed and loaded the truck except for the beds. That night Jimmy showed up with a rose, woke me up and told me he was sorry and that he wanted to make it right before he left, back to his girlfriend's house. To me that was mixed signals. I wanted to hear him tell me he loved me and was coming back home. He didn't even help  us load the truck. We didn't see him again as we drove off.

My father and mother in law lived in a three bedroom home which now would have eight people living in it.  My mother in law gave us her bedroom which had a bath and we got my father in laws bedroom. My father in law slept on the couch while my mother in  law had the third room.

I made an appointment to see the Pastor who married us, Pastor Clem, I just love that man. He greeted me with a hug, letting me know it was a long time since he saw me. We walked into a little room and let me tell him again my story. He told me that there is nothing in the Bible that says I couldn't divorce that man and that infidelity was not a way to be married before he proceeded to tell me a story.

He told me how busy  he is as a pastor, helping so many people, visiting nursing homes and hospitals, and trying to support the needs of so many. One day when he came home his wife had her bags packed  and told him, she was leaving him. She said that he was to busy helping other people, he forgot her needs and she didn't plan on living this way anymore. Pastor Clem said he cried and they prayed and she decided to give him another chance.  Tears were streaming down Pastor Clems face as he told his story. He looked up at me and said, "You could be a good instrument for God if you could forgive your husband. Just think what an example you would be."  We prayed and I went home more confused than ever. 

I went to see my girlfriend from high school the next day. She commented how skinny I was before the tears started streaming down my face. "You still love him don't you?" She said to me. I shook my head yes.

OK this is all I can write for today. I will not be on here this weekend. I am going to North Carolina to suprise my mom for her birthday. So I will try and get back to my story by Tuesday. Have a great weekend. And thank you for your support. Also a side note, I have my two romance books on NOOK now with B&N besides Amazon Kindle. Please spread the word for me. Word of mouth is more powerful than any other kind of advertising. Thank you!

Sorry I am so late getting on this today but I have  been busy with my grandchildren and loving every minute of  it. Thank you for coming back and on with the story.

It was in April of 1989 and married for fifteen years when this run of bad luck happened to us. First we lost our home; actually we gave it away to someone who would take over the payments. But we did not get any of our money back we put into it. We had to pack ourselves this time instead of having movers like we did the last two moves, which meant a smaller truck that we had to drive, and leaving a lot of belongings behind never to see again. Jimmy found us a small two bedroom apartment for the first month to live in. We had mattresses under the stairwell, and in closets besides the two bedrooms. There was no privacy for anyone as the seven of us got squeezed into this small place.

On a good note, I found out that one of my cousins lived in San Antonio with her husband, so it was nice not being totally alone. They brought us to the Fiesta at the River Walk, and showed us all around the famous River Walk, the Alamo, and the Antonio Missions. We found some great natural Bridge Caverns and had fun exploring this new city.

In May we moved to a three bedroom apartment. We gave the three oldest the master bedroom, the two youngest the second biggest room and we took the smallest one. There was only a living room and kitchen so they had to have someplace to keep their  toys.  We were definitely not use to such small quarters but we had no choice but to make the best of  it. There was a pool on the site and with the weather so hot, we used it a lot. I got the kids back into school and tried to make this as comfortable as I could.  When the birthdays came around we spent them at MacArther Park and SeaWorld or I would have a party at the apartment with all the kids that lived in the complex.

I noticed that Jimmy was starting to get more depressed. He quit calling me as much as he use to and started staying out later and later after work.  I would ask him what was wrong and he would tell me nothing.  He was moody, and always angry for any little reason.  Finally he told me one day that he was allowed to go out with people other than me, and that he was  going to a little bar across the street from  his work with some of the employees. This to me was unusual behavior.

Well one of my neighbors was a private detective and we got to talking. I told him about my husband's odd behavior and he suggested that I sort of follow him. He showed me how to know if he drove more miles than to work. All I had to do was drive to his work and back and jot how many miles it was. Than when Jimmy was home, I was instructed to go into his car and write down the miles on it. When  he came home late I could check the miles to see how far he actually drove.  The neighbor also told me to buy a voice activated recorder to put into his car. That way I could listen to see if he was talking to anyone.   My head was spinning. I couldn't imagine doing all of this, but Jimmy was losing touch with us and I had to find out what was going on.

My heart pounded in my chest the first time I listened to the recorder. I could hear the  car start, and the radio on. When he got to work the recorder stopped until he got back in to go home. But wait, was that a woman's voice I heard? I could not make out what was being said, and the tears started. Not again.
So I found a babysitter and another neighbor came with me in her car while we sat in the parking lot waiting for Jimmy to leave.  I really hated this spying thing.  The nights we were there he came straight home and we had to hurry to beat him.  I tried some more to get him to talk to me, and tell me what was wrong, but he wouldn't respond. He started to leave me alone, would not touch me, or kiss me unless I nagged him and I was nervous.

One day I got a strange  phone call from a girl at his work. She told me that my husband had been sending her cards and flowers, asking her to go out with him. My heart dropped as I listened to her words. She told me that she doesn't go out with married men and turned him down over and over again. But she said there is a girl with the name  of Gloria who is after your husband, and I thought I should let you know. 

We made a plan and she gave me the address to this girl Gloria's house, I  followed her and found my  husband's car out front. There was Jimmy walking out of her house. I  could not breathe, yet believe what I was seeing. I ran to the car and asked him to come home. He told me to go home and leave  him alone. I begged him, crying and pleading but ended up going home alone as Gloria got into his car and they drove off.

He came home late that night and he told me that this girl intrigued him. He said that at one  of the nights when he went out with his crew after work she was dancing around him and slipped her hand inside the top button of his shirt saying "Do you know what it is like to make love to a lonely woman?"

I was living as two different people now. I had to be a strong person for my children and I when I was behind closed doors I wept.  I still took my kids to the park, zoo and made fun Halloween customs for the Halloween party at our complex. My cousin would come over, along with my parents and his parents at different times with no one to the wise what was going on. I tried to act like everything was all right.  I couldn't eat, or sleep. 

It was on New Years Eve when I decided to go to my friend Sherry's house to get away from Jimmy and talk to a friend. It was so good to see her, and let my kids play in more of a cheery atmosphere.  The second night I was at her home I decided to call my house. Jimmy answered the phone and when I said hi  he hung up. I kept trying to call back but he kept the phone off the hook. My heart was now beating out of my chest. I couldn't breathe or think straight, so I packed up the kids and drove straight home.

I found my husband in the house being real sweet to me. The fridge had beer in it, something we usually didn't have in the house. When I put the kids to bed, I came to bed with Jimmy who seemed happy to see me. We made love and I started to feel better, that is until I saw makeup on my sheets.

I asked Jimmy how the makeup got on the sheets. He laughed and told me I must have forgotten to take my make up off, only I don't wear makeup.  I waited for him to go to sleep. I took a picture of me and my kids and drove to Gloria's house. Nervously I knocked on  the door and when she opened it she said, "Oh it's you."  I asked her why she had sex in my bed and she replied she didn't think Jimmy would tell me and I replied he didn't. She asked me in and we talked. I showed her the picture of our family and asked her how she could live with her self destroying up a family. She told me that it takes two and I should just ask him.

Sorry that is enough for now.  I will try and get back on tomorrow in between patients as I work on the ambulance. Have a great evening and give your loved one a kiss. I won't let my husband leave the house without a kiss.

I hope everyone is having a great week so far. The weather here in Phoenix is wonderful. This is what we look forward to each year since our summers are so hot. So while you are cooped up in the snow I am taking the grandkids for walks, to the park or feeding the ducks in this beautiful weather. Well on with my story. 

Going back a little before my last child was born, December 1986, at just 29 yrs of age my sister Jeannie was taken home to see the Lord. The cancer finally won. I remember I flew home and she was in the bedroom, of her house, with the Hospice Nurses at her side. By the way I can't say enough about anyone who works for Hospice. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO.  She had IV's on her and oxygen on her. My parents and all my siblings were around her. She also had a two year old son who was running around.  She was very weak, and it was so hard for her to concentrate on all of us. We talked to her, trying to comfort her, and told her, we understood that she didn't need to be in any more pain. She kept looking up at the corner of the room towards the ceiling. We told her that if she saw the light to follow it and we would look after her son. We prayed with her, and tried encouraging her and soon she left us as we all sat around her on her bed.  Her son Josh was brought up by my sister Patti and is now married with a daughter.

When Gina was born my father in law came down right away to lend a hand.  Plus I had all kinds of visitors like my parents, Patti and her three children plus Josh, I lost the homesick feeling again. The kids were busy with school projects. Jennifer and Erik played in the school play with Jennifer being Cinderella and Erik one of the seven dwarfs. Jimmy was now taking turns with the kids and going fishing in the boat he bought. Plus I decided to take a photography course, my one true love and hobby. 

We got the chance to fly back home in September 1987, just in time for the annual Gaeta Family picnic and get reunited with family, plus show off the latest to our family. We drove to Wisconsin to see my mom's brothers and sisters and of course my grandpa and grandma Ricci. 

When I grew up, I spent a lot of summers on my grandparent's farm, milking the cows and feeding the chickens.  Unfortunately my grandparents got old and had to sell the farm, but they fixed up the old school house, and made it a home. It was just across from their farm, which was a  perfect opportunity for my kids to still see what a farm was like. They got to pet the cows, and try to milk them, plus see horses and chickens up front.

Before going back to Oklahoma, I had to spend a day at the Lincoln Park Zoo with my baby sister Beverly and her kids. I just love Chicago and always will.  All in all, the visit was a success as we got to see relatives that we hadn't seen in a long time and reconnect.  Going back home to Oklahoma, we were back in our routine, dressing up for Halloween, Christmas with the Riners, making snowmen, birthday parties and coloring Easter eggs.  It was just before Easter when I found out I was pregnant again. I was the happiest girl in the world. My motto was I would take as many babies as  God would give me. I thought that was my mission in life, to take care of my husband, and my children and nothing else mattered. I kept the kids busy with Kristina in gymnastics, Jennifer and Erik in soccer, and even let Jessica go to a mother's day out program so she could have some other friends.

I was busy that year taking pictures of my kids and entering the pics  in the KINSA photography contest. This was fun as I placed one week with a picture as a second place winner, than another week placed as a second place winner, the following week a third place winner  and when the contest was over I placed  a photograph as The Duncan Banner's Amateur Snapshot contest the overall Grand Prize which the judges agreed my silhouette was "dramatically striking."   You talk about being on cloud nine as my excitement grew.  The summer was fun with flying kites and playing with the kids in the back yard pool, going to carnivals, more birthday parties and of course my favorite when we would go visit Mt Scott and climb in the rocks.

I was 34  yrs old when I lost the little boy I was carrying. It was August 26, 1988. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I knew something was different from the start of the pregnancy. This one I actually felt sick and nauseated sometimes and I was never sick with the other five. This child also didn't move around to much. In fact from the first time they tried to hear a heart beat they would have trouble, but eventually they could find it.  I had my appointment and they had the usual trouble trying to hear the heart beat. So they decided that they would use the ultra sound to hear it. I have seen the ultra sound before with my son, and my last two  daughters, so when the screen came up and I saw the back bone I searched for the beating heart and there wasn't  one. The doctor would push down on my stomach and the baby would just go  with the movement.  I tried hard not to cry in front of the doctor.  He said I would have to carry this dead child until my body decided to abort it. So the next couple of weeks all I could do was cry when someone at a grocery store would ask me, "When is your baby due?"  My son had already told me he was having a baby brother and I can't figure out how he knew.  Finally the doctor had me come in so they could induce my labor. It was such a strange feeling to go into birthing room to have this dead baby. Finally I felt the baby coming and quickly they left the room with the child. After making sure I was all right, they brought in the child wrapped in blue and opened his legs for me to see his little penis. His head was smashed inward, I guess because I carried him so long dead, but he had all his fingers and toes. That was the last time I saw him.  It was one of the worse days of my life to leave the hospital without a baby.

Have you ever felt like you were being punished by God. That is the way I felt. I  couldn't understand why he gave this child to me, just to snatch it back again. I started to get depressed. Jimmy was getting upset with me for crying all the time. He decided that this was a gift to him, and he proceeded to go and get himself fixed.  At that time both the wife and the husband had to sign the paper for this procedure. Simple right, I just won't sign it.  The doctor was waiting for us, and proceeded to tell me that I have over populated the world enough, and I was being selfish if I continued to have any more children. I signed the paper and then next couple of weeks just cried. Not only did I lose my last baby, but I was never ever going to have a chance to have another one again. Jimmy didn't want to see me cry anymore. I was told to get over it. So I waited till the wee hours when everyone was sleeping, and would slip into the living room, grab a pillow and cry. I cried and talked to God asking why. I didn't feel any comfort.

Life goes on and I had children to take care of and a house to clean. I got more involved with the school my kids were in and found myself as the PTA president for Kuntz Elementary School.  I launched a Welcome Wagon for the new comers of the school  in hopes to win their support.  .

My Jennifer was the first girl to play on the football team in the fourth grade that September. My son Erik was on it also, but the guys on the team gave Jennifer a hard time and she had to prove herself.

Things went back to normal with Halloween and trick or treating, Thanksgiving with the Riners and of course my father in law was down.  The Christmas play at school and grandma Fostino came to watch her grandkids perform. 

In January of 1989 it snowed so much the kids made three snowmen in the front yard and Jimmy lost his job. He sent out resumes all over looking for a job. None was to be found. I was still busy with the PTA and with our fund raisers we got enough money for a new play ground for the school. Finally in April he found a job in San Antonio, Texas. He had to be there right away. The idea of losing this house upset the both of us. All the work that Jimmy and his dad put into it, making it our home along  with all the space it had was now going to be given to someone to just take over the payment with no money owed to us. We lost everything.  We packed up the house, left some furniture and belongings behind since we didn't movers this time to move us. 

OK gonna stop for today and will try and continue tomorrow. Have a great day and Thank You for coming by.