Pg 3 - My story

What does Romance mean to you? I decided to look it up and here is what it says on the Free Online Dictionary: A Love Affair - Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people, love - A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.

I also looked it up on the Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: Romance is the pleasurable feeling of
excitement and mystery associated with love. Romance implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person. 
 
But is Romance just a feeling or is it also a choice. Can you stay romantically involved with a person after
living with them for ten yrs, twenty yrs or even forty yrs? Is romance just a feeling or is it something so hidden in your heart and soul that you hang on to something that you can't describe. Does it mean you have to have sex? What happens to a couple that has been married and an accident occurs which makes it physically impossible to have sex; do they fall out of love? The definitions above I don't think give the word justice.

We have been married for 37 yrs. In my younger years I don't think I could describe love like I can now. I love the fact that no matter what we did to hurt each other in the past we still hung on to our promise to love each other, to forgive each other and our need and want for each other has grown.  What a reward enjoying OUR children with their children.

Please don't take me wrong. I am not judging anyone. There are many reasons for not staying together, and I know of a lot of people that are happier with their second choice. I am talking just about me. Even with the deceit and lying, and cheating that went on in our marriage, we managed to hang on and the rewards are tenfold.

Here is a picture of our family today:  It is hard to believe that once it was just me and Jimmy. Look at how our family has grown.


 

 Well let me go on with my story of how we managed to stay married for 37yrs. .  It was now into the middle of November and Jimmy and I would see each other at the lounge every weekend. I also got a couple of letters from Tom asking me not to break up with him. I was confused, but I was also young and enjoyed the attention that I was getting from Jimmy. I was tired of waiting, hanging around at home, I wanted to go out and have fun. Thanksgiving came and left and in the beginning of December Tom came home for a couple of weeks. He came over, and bent down to kiss me. Yea he was 6ft tall and I am only 5' 3".  He looked so handsome in his uniform and as he took my hand my heart began to break. I had his ring put back into the box and waiting for him. We sat under the Christmas tree and it seemed like forever as I tried to break it off while he begged me not to. As I think of this now, I really don't like myself very much. I did this all wrong. He didn't do anything to hurt me, I just wanted to be free. There had to be a more personal way of breaking up, but I did it with a Dear John letter. I was really a terrible person to hurt him so  bad. The drive that kept me on that path was I really wanted to go out with Jimmy. I felt like I still loved Tom, but there was something about Jimmy. We stayed sitting and crying under the Christmas tree and when the sun came up in the morning Tom left my house alone and unengaged.

That month my cousin was getting married and Tom was still  in town and called me on the phone asking me for dates.  I had told him about my cousin's wedding and then I told Jimmy about my cousins wedding and next thing I knew somehow both boys thought they were going with me. The decision now was how I was going to tell one of them that I had a date. Part of me didn't want to disappoint Jim, so  I told Tom I was going with  Jim.  I didn't even think of how I was hurting Tom even more. I  was in Marie wonderland. I heard a rumor later that Tom was so hurt he got drunk and tried to jump out of a car in the middle  of Chicago.  I think I was to young to really realize what I was doing. At the same time, I was having fun with Jimmy.  But when I went to the movies with Tom a few days later I saw the difference in him. He was so cold to me and I didn't understand why. Yes I was really pretty ignorant.  

That was the last I saw of Tom. He left for Hawaii where he was stationed and life got easier as I kept my adventure going with Jimmy.  That Christmas Jimmy got me a little cats eye ring with two little diamonds mounted on each side. He seemed to be getting serious a little faster than I expected.  New Years eve came and he took me out to a place in down town Chicago called Contiki Ports for dinner. He looked so handsome in his suit and red bow tie. I even bought him a corsage to put on him. This was different for me. He treated me more like a princess than Tom did and I was eating this up.

It was in the month of January that my mother wanted something from Davenport Iowa and I can't remember at this moment what it was. Mom decided that she wanted me and my sister to drive there and get it. My sister wanted to bring her  boyfriend, so than it was decided that Jimmy would come to. There was two hotel rooms and I didn't think anything about it until when I tried to get into my hotel room, my sister laughed at me as she shut the door in my face leaving me in a room with Jimmy. I was not ready for that yet.

We fought the first night because I wouldn't have sex with him. He  knew what my dream was, but he decided that he loved me and if I loved him, that was all that mattered. So unfortunately the second night, crying, and trying to keep  Jimmy happy and not lose him, we made love. It hurt and it was not romantic. As I look back at that moment in time, I realize that I was secretly angry at him. Actually I should have been angry at myself, but any other guy I told my story to would respect my feelings and Jimmy didn't.  After that night my life was now over as I knew it. I  had to marry him or never get married. I know you are all laughing at me now. But I was 19 yrs old, and I truly believed that once you gave yourself to a man, you are husband and wife forever. I truly believed than and now that we are only suppose to give our selves to one person, our mate. I do believe that God has a plan and I did try to follow it.

We had talked about getting married and of course now I was ready. Believe it or not we got engaged that Valentine's day and was married on April 13, 1974.  My parents were so upset. My dad first was angry because Tom had asked permisson to marry me before he gave me a ring and Jimmy did not. Second my mother figured that I must be pregnant to have married Jimmy so fast. My dad even went as far as to tell Jimmy to stay away from me or he would find himself locked in the truck of a car that would be laying on the floor of Lake Michigan. 

Well this is all for now. I am shedding a few tears and really don't want to think anymore. I will try to get back to my story tomorrow. I am lucky enough to baby sit on my days off from the ambulance so tomorrow just like today I will have the jewels of my life be here to love and play with. Just try to remember that the things you do or say can either have a positvie or negative affect on someone so choose your words wisely.  Here is a wedding picture of us April 13 1974. As I look at this picture it is hard for me to imagine that we were so young.  lol 

Marie & Jim Fostino